I am writing this post because it is related to the tiny house, but mainly because my phone is broken and I don’t want to actually log in to Facebook! Yes, I am assuming someone is actually going to read it, and that my jumbled thoughts will form an understandable blog post. Hey, sometimes I have really cohesive thoughts that I think someone else could get something from. Also, this is the diary I never kept as a preteen, I’m a late bloomer in the “writing down my feelings” stage of life! It all makes sense in my head, let’s see if I can translate that to print…
Apparently it has really bothered my father that my son is almost two years old and has never been dedicated. Mark and I are not what you would consider religious, and we’ve moved and been so unstable in the almost two years of my son’s life, that we haven’t even attempted to find a church for our family. Well, at my parent’s new church, they were doing mass child dedication, and my father signed us up… Mark is very traditional when it comes to worship, he is highly educated in the field of sacred music so it kind of makes sense. The modern music was a little distracting for him, and when they called us up, they said Martian, son of Bryan and Debbi, so that was a little distracting too! (His name is Marston, and we are Mark and Megan.)
Besides all of this, the message was actually really great, and exceptionally timely for me. It was about overcoming comparison. The phrase that sticks with me was this, “The quickest way to kill something special, is to compare it to something else.” I am guilty of this in practically everything in and related to my life.
I did not allow the extra time I had with Mars to be special, because I compared him to Maelyn. I have always thought his speech was delayed, because I compared him to his sister. His sister went to daycare at 3 months old, she was around older kids and engaged more. I stayed home with Mars for a year. Naturally I have felt that it is my fault he’s delayed because I didn’t do enough with him, that we have babied him too much. But I don’t actually hang out with any other 22 month olds, I just know how his sister was. I finally broke down and took him to a speech pathologist last week. One hour and almost $200 later, he’s not delayed, just stubborn. (Hmmm, now who could he have learned that from…, I taught him something at least right?) I wish I had just enjoyed my son, celebrated the special time that we have, and the special little boy that he is, and not had the ugly cloud of comparison over us.
But isn’t it human nature to compare? How do you know if you are doing well in life if you don’t compare it to something? Isn’t it Ricky Bobby who says, “if you’re not first, your last”?
Every month they announce Teachers of the Month, and every month I am not one. Mark was two months ago, so in a society that constantly compares and competes, I have felt like a complete and total loser every month. Then I remember something else the pastor said, “stay in your lane, stick with your passion, don’t be distracted, stay in your lane.” I’ll say it, and I don’t think anyone would disagree, teaching is not my lane. Honestly, I don’t know what is. I haven’t found my passion, at least a passion that will pay the bills! I am the epitome of “Jack of all trades, Master of none.” I don’t mean this in a humble brag or arrogant way, I can do almost anything, I just don’t do anything really well! I am praying for guidance in that area, and hoping God reveals it to me before I’m too old to pursue it!
So here’s what I’m getting to, the tiny house is and has always been special, because I haven’t compared it to anything and I feel like it is what we should be doing, it is Mark and I’s lane. Sure, I’ve been disillusioned, or felt defeated at times, but this was because of the time and work being put into it and not seeing results very quickly. I could very easily compare it to my friends mini mansions, but I haven’t, because it’s more than just a “tiny house” for us. Even when we were touring the tiny houses in Dallas a couple of weeks ago, yeah I might have compared the craftsmanship, or the use of space, but they were so different from what we are doing. This whole thing has been about a process, a process to make what is important, to and for our family, a reality. Maybe it’s because we don’t personally know anyone else who is doing this sort of thing. Whatever the reason, I am glad I haven’t killed this special thing yet!
And I am glad that I have this message to reflect on, and hopefully change my way of thinking. I will make a conscious effort to stop comparing, my children, my marriage, myself, and my circumstances to anything or anyone else. They are all special, so very very special, and I will choose to celebrate and enjoy each and every special thing that God has given me!