As my husband got out of bed at 5am to start my car, because it’s 12 degrees outside and I’m having to go somewhere at 5am, I realized I needed to give some serious, written down for all eternity, husband love. (I shouldn’t mention that apparently the heat is broken in the car so it did absolutely no good!)
I don’t think I’ve ever actually embraced being a “wife”. When Mark and I got married, I was a full fledged grown adult. I had my own house, my own car, my own insurance, my own cell phone plan, I mean I was pretty self sufficient and independent! I didn’t care if I was ever a wife. I’m a bit selfish, a smidge self absorbed, and a whole lot of crazy! But I had fun with Mark, he wanted to get married, and it felt good that someone wanted to “lock it down” (his words.)
I had three months left in grad school when we got married, so I lived with my best friend, 100 miles away, for the first three months of our marriage. When we finally lived in the same house, I was too focused on checking off more of those adult boxes – start an actual career job, buy a house, and start a family. We were only married 9 months before I got pregnant with Mae. (It was very planned, like I can probably tell you the exact minute she was conceived. Same thing for Mars. We WERE very fertile people, that has been remedied, not that you care to know any of that!) My point is, I don’t feel like I took the time, or made the effort, to enjoy being a wife.
I have always been proud of my husband. I would have never agreed to take his name, which was a deal breaker for him, if I wasn’t. You see, this ain’t my first rodeo. I had been married before, very briefly, very stupidly! My parents refer to that day as the “very expensive Christmas party.) When I signed that paper, I had hyphenated the last name, knowing full well I would never use my first husbands name. I didn’t respect his family, and really didn’t respect him, and the thought of being associated with that name was embarrassing. So that was Mark’s deal breaker, if we were to be husband and wife, I would take his name, period. So I did! (I did sneak my maiden name in to be my second middle name, so legally it’s still there!) It was like becoming a new person, I had been my father’s daughter (and if you don’t know I’m a huge daddy’s girl) for so long, had become my own person with that name, it was hard for me to now be my husbands wife. Monteith is obviously not a common name, so now being asked if I was “related to so and so” was weird. “Oh, that’s my husband,” or “I don’t really know, that’s my husband’s family,” and having to tell people who my family was with “oh you’re Bryan and Debbi’s daughter” or “you’re Bryce’s sister” was a little sad for me.
It was becoming a mom, that made me a wife. Seeing how great of a dad he is makes me proud to be his wife. Knowing that my daughter observes every word and move I make with her daddy makes me truly think about how I am as a wife. Knowing that my son will, maybe one day, have a wife, makes me aware of my actions. Mark and I may not be the best example of human beings in some areas (finances, physical fitness, nutrition, obscenities, other vices) but, for the most part, we are a decent representation of marriage. We’ve definitely had our ups and downs, but he has yet to allow me to divorce him! (I’ve tried, several times, none of them for good reasons, I told you I was crazy!) We try to show our children how a husband and wife should love, respect, honk boobs, and “dance” (air hump), you know, all the strange ways we show affection!
It wasn’t until we started working together, that I finally started identifying as a wife. I can probably tell you the exact moment I had the epiphany. (I think I’m really one of those dates geniuses, I just need to harness my powers!) One of my students was being a little bratty, saying she couldn’t do something for me because she had music next and she was trying out for a solo. My exact words were, “Do you not realize that the music teacher and I are married? Do you think my husband is going to give a solo to someone who’s being a brat to his wife?” I realize I probably shouldn’t have said that, but it was last year, and everyone lived so… I mean she obviously didn’t get a solo!
Because our children are young, our priority is being mom and dad. That’s just how things are, and should be. We are very blessed that our parents give us several opportunities to have “just us” time. But as I think about our lives in the future, when our children are grown and we don’t have to mom and dad all the time, I’m not scared. I told him the other day, “I don’t feel like we are going to be those ‘stay together for the kids’ type people. We still have the most fun when it’s just the two of us.” His response, “Eff those kids, we’re gonna have blast when they’re gone.” (Please see above obscenities and great daddy before passing judgement, also he was clearly using humor! Obviously, our children are going to live with us forever!!!!!)
Words cannot express how thankful/grateful/blessed I honestly feel to be HIS wife. He drives me absolutely insane most days, but I would never want to do this life without him. He is my PIC, my best friend, and my biggest supporter. (He could be a little more supportive of my singing…) And he deserves all of this and more in return from me, his wife!
So thank you, Mark Monteith, for being patient. I’m sorry it has taken me all these years to finally accept that I am a wife, well not just a wife, but that I am your wife, and effing proud of it!